Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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