She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
