dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
