there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
