Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
