So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
