john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
