she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
