I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm always down for nudity.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
