don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
