turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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