I wish I could punch you in the face.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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