Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
