The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize