Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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