I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
