just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
