Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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