I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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