Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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