Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
