I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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