So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
