i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
