Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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