If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
