My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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