Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
