Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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