i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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