I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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