i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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