Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
