the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
