Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
