Kareoke will never be a sober sport
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm like, not good at living.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
