i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
