i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
