I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
