So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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