Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
