the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
