Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
