hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize