There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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