In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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