but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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