I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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