Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize