So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
