god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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