he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
