good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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