Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
