addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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