my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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