I hope mine doesn't look like that
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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