The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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