I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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