Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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